The Eucharist

The End of Week One

            The first week of Lent ended with a whimper and a sigh. As far as my sacrifice of social media is going, I’m doing pretty well. It turns out one can never really get off of Facebook and Twitter entirely. Things online are constantly wanting to post to Facebook and Twitter for you. Pandora particularly likes to let people know what I am listening to. Other sites like to let people know where I am. Big Brother is constantlywatching. I like listening to music while I study on campus. It keeps me focused. Get over it.

            I went to mass on Sunday. I was a few minutes late. I thought mass started at 11. Turns out it starts at 10:30. Little things like checking the schedule sometimes escape my attention. The homily was interesting, sort of. I didn’t recognize a soul, I didn’t bother to get up this time, and I left during the last song. Baby steps.

            I had other things on my mind. Our cat, Kleo, is missing. She went on walkabout last Friday and never came home. I made flyers. Bren and I canvassed the neighborhood. She is still M.I.A. today. The not knowing is frustrating. Cats can be so inconsiderate. I like to think she just took up residence somewhere else. When I was younger, my best friend Dave Brown’s cat went missing for nearly a decade before he returned home. He just strolled up to Dave’ss parent’s house one day while Dave’s dad was outside. Dad Brown told me he recognized Rebel right away, albeit with a few more scars. He opened the door and Rebel walked right in like he had never left. He live a few more months then passed peacefully in his sleep. There’s that Prodigal Son parable again.

            Later on Sunday Bren and I met with the woman who handles annulments. It took about an hour and a half to go through the preliminary paperwork. The hardest part for me is going to be finding five people who knew me 35 years ago who will be willing to explain why they think my marriage didn’t work the first time, and 5 who knew me twenty years ago who can say the same thing about the second. It’s sad to say that many of my oldest friends are no longer alive. Also, a lot of bridges get burned during a divorce. This annulment ain’t gonna be no walk in the park.

            Bren did well. Dredging up all those painful memories is hard on her. I’m so much better off with her I have no problem remembering how bad it was with the other two. I learned to let the bad things roll off like water off a duck’s back. I don’t mind looking back once in awhile. When you’re leading the parade, you have to look back once in a while to see if anyone is still following you. But if you look back too often you risk tripping over your future. Learn from the past, plan for the future, but live in the present.

            This is the last week before Spring Break and Saint Patrick’s Day is this coming Monday. I haven’t decided how I wish to celebrate either. One day next week I need to trek up to Nebraska to get a copy of my marriage license from 1979. It turns out the safe place I put the last one is so safe even I can’t find it.

            In the end it will all be worth it. If I am honest with myself, I can say the not being able to receive the Eucharist during Communion is one of the primary reasons I haven’t been to mass in a very long time. It’s not the only reason. But it’s one of the big ones.

            There was once a time when nearly everything I did at church centered on the Eucharist. In addition to the mass on Sunday, I also took part in Eucharistic Adoration. For those that don’t know what that is, Eucharistic Adoration is silent meditation in the presence of the Eucharist. If you accept that the Communion Wafer is the Body of Christ, then you also accept that the Holy Spirit is present in the Eucharist. When you receive the Eucharist, you are taking the whole of Christ into yourself: body and spirit. During Eucharistic Adoration, that hour of weekly reflection allowed me to meditate in the presence of God on my life, my goals, and my sins. Imagine spending an hour every week with one of your oldest and dearest friends. Not everything you discuss is going to be earth shattering or life changing, but those weekly conversations bring you closer.

            This week’s events have made me think a lot about the last few years. If Kleo’s disappearance has me worried, how much has my disappearance worried God? How lucky am I that my Heavenly Father allowed me to come strolling through the front door years later? I guess it’s not just cats that are inconsiderate.